589 - The thief.

The Queen was wandering around the town to make sure that everything was going fine, when, out of the sudden, she saw a young handsome man, white as the snow, with blue eyes and brown long hair; The Queen, breathless, stopped, pointed to the young man and said:

"Arrest him! Arrest him and cut both of his hand! He's a thief!"
"But my Queen, I haven't stole anything in my life, I'm just a humble commoner." said the young man, defending himself from the accusation of the Queen.
"Don't be a liar! Thief! That just a second ago,when I posed my eyes over you, I've felt that you have stolen my heart!"

The end.

Published on September 3rd, 2012.

588 - Shampoo: avoid contact with the eyes.

One day, I don't know why, I decided to videotape myself while I took a shower, and when I saw the tape, I was horrified to see that all my fears were true, because every time I closed my eyes to wash my hair with shampoo, a tall shadow materialized itself behind me and its head approached mine and  breathed my hair; and to my horror, it vanished as soon as I opened my eyes after I had washed the shampoo away, but when I repeated, the shadow came back again...

All this years... my fears of closing the eyes while putting on shampoo...

The end.

Published on September 1st, 2012.

587 - The curious crow.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHG!!!"

A scream was heard in the woods, and all the crows that were laying in the trees, around the place where the scream had take place, flow away, scared, well, all the crows but one, one crow stayed on the three he was laying with his eyes wide open and looking everywhere trying to find out exactly where the scram had come from and what had cause it.

The end.

Published on August 28th, 2012.

586 - She never liked roses.

I once had a girlfriend very peculiar, and all my friends kept on telling me that she was an ungrateful bitch, because every time I bought her roses, she would throw them at my face and scream to me very pissed: "How many times do I have to tell that I don't like roses? You're an idiot! I like orchids!!" but since I loved her, I didn't mind her ungratefulness.

Today, I heard she died, yesterday, of a heart-attack, because she had gotten mad to her current boyfriend; and to show my respect to her memory, I went to the burial and brought to the tombstone a bouquet of roses. I was the only one who remained until the end of the burial, and saw, very sad, how the coffin was put down and covered in sand.

Before coming back home, I put the roses over the tombstone, and my left eye broke a single tear that showed my sadness; but that feeling was shaded away quickly by the impression I got when I saw the bouquet of flowers levitate in the air from the tombstone and then fly straight to my face as if it were thrown by an invisible force.

I had forgotten once again that...

The end.

Published on August 27th, 2012.

585 - The canvas of the hear.

"Why are you crying?"
"M-m-my boyfriend, br-broke up with me!"
"No, don't cry, I assure you that soon enough another painter will arrive."
"B-b-but, I don´t like a-a-artists."
"I know, but I say 'another painter' because my grandma used to say that the heart was like a white canvas which is painted little by little by the people we love, and now, with your tears, you're erasing the draft that you're ex-boyfriend had painted in your heart, leaving it white and available again so another painter will, soon, arrive to paint a majestic master-piece in the canvas that is your heart."

The end.

Published on August 24th, 2012.

584 - Driving in a foggy night.

It was late at night, I was driving at high speed, the road was lonely, I was signing and listening to my favorite song on the radio at full volume, I can hardly see the road because the fog was too heavy; but since I was used to drive at night through that road and it was always lonely, I ignored the fact that I could hardly see the road and kept on driving at high speed, I knew the road.

When I was getting closer to my destination, the fog had gotten heavier, and my vision got even blurrier; but I kept on driving at high speed; then I looked down to the radio for a few seconds, because it had turned off mysteriously; and when I looked to the road again, I saw her...

A women, white as the snow, was standing in the middle of the road with her arms wide open, one could easily confound her with the heavy fog, because she was wearing a robe as white as it, and the only thing that made her apart from the fog was her long and blonde hair that reached her waist.

Scared, I stomp on the brake and close my eyes tightly, I was waiting for the impact, I was driving so fast that I knew that no matter how much I tried to brake or to avoid the women I was going to ran over her, I'd kill her.

I kept my eyes closed for what seems like hours, just listening to the creak the brakes was making  trying to stop the car that was going a so high speed; I was waiting the hit, the sound that would make the women when I hit her with my car; but it never happened, and when the car stopped, the radio turned on again, and started to sound so high that I jumped on my seat.

When I opened my eyes I looked for the women through the rear-view  mirror, but I didn't see her, and then, suddenly, even though I had the car's heater on, I felt my blood cold and got the goose-bumps; and without wasting a second, I took my feet off the brake and stomped the accelerator instead.

And that's the story  I tell every time anyone ask me why I don't like driving in foggy nights.

The end.

Published on August 22nd, 2012.

583 - Damocles' sword.

'D-A-M-O-C-L-E-S' forged Damocles in the blade of his sword so everyone know that it was his.

The end.

Published on August 20th, 2012.

582 - The superpower.

When he posed his eyes over me, I felt so weird, intimidated, like if he were checking each millimeter of my body with his gaze, as if he had X-Ray vision eyes... And then I remembered: He does have X-Ray Vision Eyes!! And without thinking anything else I turned myself invisible.

The end.

Published on August 19th, 2012.

581 - A deal with the devil (bank)

"Sign here... here... here... and here; tomorrow you'll have the money available in you account, remember you have to make us 60 payments the first 6 days of each month, and if you want, in two years, we could extend your credit, so you could loan more money and accomplish all your dreams."

The end.

Published on August 17th, 2012.

580 - Love confession.

"I just wanna tell you that I like you very much, that I think you are the most handsome boy I've ever seen in my life, and I think you're perfect, so, I love you with all my heart" said Narcissus to the reflection of the little mirror he was holding in his hand.

The end.

Published on August 14th, 2012.

579 - Stage fright.

After she had practiced her lines a thousand times in the backstage until she said them perfectly; when she finally got into the stage and picture the pubic in underwear, she laughed so hard that she ruined her presentation.

The end.

Published August 12th. 2012.

578 - The lonely python.

After the python had spend a lot of time alone, when she saw an animal coming near her, she got so excited that she crept stealthily towards it, and she surprised it from behind, jumping over it and hugging really, really tight, with all her strength, she was happy, she wasn't going to be alone anymore and she would finally have a friend to talk with.

The end.

Published on August 11th. 2012.

577 - Time flies, or, in the blink of an eye.

One second I was looking my beautiful reflection in the mirror, so young, pretty and delicate; and the other, when I blinked, my reflection was ugly, full of wrinkles and graceless.

The end.

Published on August 10th, 2012.

576 - Dried but dead.

When the storm broke, he ran to under a big tree to keep himself dry, regardless of the awful memory of his ugly school teacher with curly blond hair, yellow teeth and big red glasses which made her eyes look bigger, who said in a alarming tone of voice "Trees are the lighting rods of nature, when it rains, never, I repeat, NEVER, save yourself from the rain under a tree."

And the last thing he thought before the lighting struck him and the tree under which he was standing was "Yeah, my school teacher was way too crazy."

The end.

Published on August 8th, 2012.

575 - Winning is what matters.

"For two points! I lost for two points!"

"Two? I thought you had scored 65 and your opponent 66."

"So..."

"Then, why do you say you lost for two points? You lost only for one point."

"No! I lost for two points, if I had scored one point more it could have been a tie, and I didn't want to tie, no, I wanted to WIN."

The end.

Published on August 7th, 2012.

574 - The promise: the day he didn't promise it.

Everyday before her husband left to the police station, she would make him promise her that he would return home alive; and regardless any kind of danger he faced, he would always return to his home, not always sound, but safe.

One morning, after a previous night of screams and fights that are so common in marital life, she didn't say good bye to her husband before he left to the police station, therefore she didn't make him promise her his safe return.

That day, around noon, the phone rang, and when she heard it, her soul fell to her feet, the phone had never rang so early in the day; and soon all her rage and resentment she had against her husband for the previous night disappeared and gave way to a feeling of guiltiness and desperation.

"Why I didn't make him promise me he would return home alive this morning as I always do?"  She asked herself as the phone continued ringing "Why?.."

The end.

Published on August 6th, 2012.

573 - A gifted gift.

Just three days before the Saint Valentine Gift Exchange of his office, he didn't have a clue of what to buy to his secret friend, until he remembered the gift he had received the previous Christmas and that had never wore, once again, the gift will be gifted.

The end.

Published on August 3rd, 2012.  

572 - TECHNOLOGICAL EMERGENCY!!!!!

Warning!!!!
Your device only has 10% left of battery.

The end.

Published on August 2nd, 2012.

571 - The pen of love.

When they became boyfriend and girlfriend, he gave her a pen of red ink which represented the love he felt for her. With that pen they wrote a lot of stories about the dates they had had, the kisses they had shared, the fights and the make ups they had had, the gifts they had given each other...

They wrote so many stories with that pen, that one day, the pen ran out of ink, and they only thing left from all the love they had for each other was the stories they had written with that pen of red ink; but when re-read, the stories looked like as if they were written with a regular black ink.

The end.

Published on August 1st, 2012. 

570 - The fall of the King.

When the king, who was hated by everyone because he was merciless and kept the taxes so high that no one could outcome poverty, was taking his walk around his kingdom, all the people looked at him with hate from the doors of their houses; but when the King tripped with a rock on the path and fell to the ground, all the people of the town got excited and hurried to help him stand up and clean his delicate clothes.

The end.

Published on July 31st, 2012. 

569 - The murdering hand.

At the jury:

"I'm innocent, I tried to protect her; but my hand, my hand was stronger than me!"

The murderer was trying to defend himself pledging that his hand had life itself, and that it was his hand that had killed all those persons.

The judge and the jury were confused, the man sounded so innocent; but the proofs said otherwise, therefore he was sent to the guillotine to pay for the crimes he had commit.

The man accepted his fate; but he asked that before they cut off his head, they cut his right hand first; and the judge feeling pity for him accepted his petition.

The day of the execution, just like they had promised, they were going to cut the right hand of the man before beheaded him; therefore he put his arm where his neck should have gone in the guillotine and when the scythe fell over his wrist, he screamed in pain; but then...

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! DIDN'T I??? IT WASN'T ME!! IT WAS MY HAND!!! NOW YOU BELIEVE ME?" the man screamed,  excited, when his hand had jumped out of the basket where it had fall and had started to strangle everyone around.

The end.

Published on July 30th, 2012.

568 - Tied!

The twins had spent their whole life challenging each other to see whom of them was the best, the fastest, the strongest... but the outcome of those challenges was always the same: tied, always tied, even way before the were born, when they both reached the ovule of their mother at the same time.

The end.

Published on July 29th, 2012.

567 - The lost kid and the feckless mother.

"Dear costumers " said the speaker of the supermarket "we have found a lost kid."
"Oh dear Lord! Mothers nowadays are so feckless" said Tommy's mother "How could a mother lose her child? That happens because they don't pay attention to their children."
"The kid's name is Tommy" said the speaker " And we would appreciate if his mother or father would come to pick him up at the reception. Thank you."
"What? Tommy?! My Tommy?! If I had him by my side just a few seconds ago!!"

And in fact, when she looked around to find her Tommy, she couldn't find him anywhere, therefore she ran to the reception to pick him up there.

The end.

Published on July 28th, 2012.