664 - Like mother, like daughter.

Eve was seeing the new priest of the Church in the same way her ancestress saw the apple tree in the Eden.

The end.

Published on March 22nd, 2013.

663 - The diabolic lawyer.

There was one lawyer that was so good doing his work, that everybody called him the diabolic lawyer; because he always found a way to win all the cases that showed up to him.

"I'm so good because I had a good teacher" he said every time he won a case, remembering the wise words of his great teacher, who had taught him how to win all the cases by saying: "Winning a case is like doing that the wishes the humans make when they sell me their souls came out totally wrong..."

The end.

Published on March 3rd, 2013.

662 - The first and last vacations of Saint Peter.

In order that Saint Peter could be able to take his vacations, the Devil, very kindly, offered his dear Cerberus to God so it could cover the place of Saint Peter while he was vacationing; but during that time, not one soul else passed through the gates of Heaven; not because Cerberus were doing bad his job, but because everyone was preferring to go to Hell when they saw such horrible dog guarding the gates of Heaven.

The end.

Published on March 18th, 2013. 

661 - I saw the killing of Kitty Genovese.

When I heard the screaming of help, I was reading a book in front of the chimney; but I dropped it instantly and ran to the window to see what was happening and what my eyes saw left me speechless: a man was stabbing repeatedly the girl.

I tried to scream; but no sound came out of my mouth. I tried to go out to help her; but my legs were frozen and I couldn't move. I tried to pick up the phone and call the police; but my mind was blank and I couldn't remember the emergency number. I tried to help her, I really tried; but the fear and the shock I felt at the moment were stronger than my good intentions.

The end.

Published on March 13th, 2013.  

660 - Not as easy as taking candy from a baby.

I approached, stealthily, to the stroller where the baby was eating his candy, I extended my arm and tried to steal it; but as soon as I pulled the candy, the baby started to cry and everyone around fixed their eyes upon me.

I, ashamed, dropped the candy, and shaking my hands in the air said "What? I was just proving a theory" and walked away from the crime scene, while being judged by everyone who had seen me trying to take a candy from a baby.

The end.

Published on March 10th, 2013.

659 - In Japan everything is inverse.

While we were vacationing in Japan:

"Quick! Call an ambulance!"
"How?! I don't know, I'm callin' the 9-1-1 but it doesn't work! What is the emergency number here?!"
"We're in Japan, everything is inverse here!"
"Uh? How..."
"1-1-9! Call the 1-1-9!!!"

The end.

Published on March 6th, 2013.

658 - Fever at 111°F

I opened my eyes and saw the sun shining brightly in the sky, thirsty and sweaty, I gathered the little strength I had left and managed to get on my feet to keep walking through the yellow and hot dessert; after I had given a few steps, I saw, in the distance, an oasis, and excited, I ran towards it; but the more I ran to it, the further it got; it was a mirage, and, hopeless, I let myself fall onto the hot yellow sand, unable to continue.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital near my house, with a solution connected into my veins and a thermometer under my tongue.

The end.

Published on March 4th, 2013.

657 - The message in the bottle.

"H-E-L-P!!!" Wrote the castaway in a piece of paper, put it into a glass bottle, and threw it, hopeful, into the see.

"H-E-L-P!!!" Read a sailor in a piece of piece of paper, he had found in a bottle, while he was walking through the beach, then, he looked, sadly, into the vast see and told to himself: "Those castaway never learn."

The end.

Published on February 27th, 2013.

656 - The magical hairdo.

"How do you do to make your hair look so perfectly messy? What products do you use on it?" I asked my best friend, with curiosity "I've tried everything! Gel, spray, cream, and I never make my hair look like yours."
"Hahahahaha! Are you really asking me this?"
"Yes!  How do you do?"
"Hahahahaha, I don't know, man, with magic, I guess."
"Com'on! Tell me your secret, what do you do to your hair and what products do you use on it?"
"Hahahahaha, it's true, it's magic, man!"
"Well, okay, don't tell me if you don't want to."
"No, it's true, look..."

And I never expected what I saw next, my friend fixed his messy hair with one hand, then, he withdrew  from his pocket a golden pearl, he brought it to his lips, whispered something I didn't understand, and then, extending his arm, he screamed: "Come to me!" Immediately, a circle of shiny light with a pentagram inside of it appeared in the place where he was standing, right after a burst of heavy wind surrounded him for a few seconds, and then, when it was over, the hair of my friend looked perfectly messy.

The end.

Published on February 23rd, 2012

655 - Timothy - Multiple personality.

"I love you, Tim" whispered his girlfriend on his right ear.
"And what about me?!"
"I love you, too, Thy" she whispered on his left ear.

The end.

Published on February 19th, 2013.

654 - In heaven, everything is fun.

In the middle of the ocean, a castaway yelled to heaven:

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME, GOD? WHY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? I KNOW THAT YOU ARE UP THERE, WATCHING ME, TESTING ME; BUT GOD, PLEASE, HELP ME, I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

Meanwhile in the heaven:

"TAKE TWO CARDS! YOU DIDN'T SAY UNO!" Said God to the Devil.
"I said it! You didn't hear me!"
"No! You didn't say it, take two cards!"
"But, but..."
"But, nothing, don't try to cheat again, take two cards and continue playing."

The end.

Published on February 14th, 2013.

653 - Jealousy is a weird behavior modifier.

If you knew my wife, you would think, just as everyone else who knows her, that she is the sweetest and most adorable of all, and that she wouldn't even be able to kill a fly; and well, I cannot complain that people think that of her, because, my wife is really adorable and charming, until she sees me talking to another woman, then everything turns ugly, very ugly, so ugly that I have, even, lost the count of how many corpses we have buried in the back garden of our house.

The end.

Published on February 6th, 2013.

652 - The best student.

"Why did you kill her?"
"Because she knew too much."
"She knew too much, about what?"
"About everything! Haven't you seen her grades?!"

The end.

Published on February 2nd, 2012.

651 - The two faces of the city.

During the day, he couldn't stop thinking how much he hated the city because of how noisy and crowded it was; but during the night, he just sat next to the window of his penthouse to admire the city for how beauty and lit it was.

The end.

Published on January 31st, 2013.

650 - The price of cheating.

The sound of the front door opening made them stop what they were doing.

"My husband has arrived!"
"What?! But wasn't he coming back until six?!"
"Yes, I don't know what may have happened, come, quick, hide under the bed, I can feel him coming by the stairs."

And when the man hid himself under the bed, she got up from the bed and ran to the door, where her husband has just arrived, and throwing herself into his arms exclaimed:

"What took you so long?! I almost have sex with him?!
"I'm sorry, darling, the neighbor stopped me for a second to talk about her cats" he said, calmed, while he pushed the mysterious button that was next to the door, and when he did it, from the floor under the bed started to come out thousands of needles that killed the man who was hiding there in just a couple of seconds.

The end.

Published on January 27th, 2013.